Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Top Seven Excellent Reasons to Just Do It!

Now, I realize I'm a newbie wife, but at this point I've had a baby and moved several times and weathered a lot of garbage, so I think this puts me at a fairly advanced rank.  Even if it didn't, I'm not going to hold back when I think there's something valuable to be shared.

Right now, you might have noticed that story shared at HuffPo and other places about the husband who sent his wife a spreadsheet cataloging how many times in the last month he'd propositioned her and how much success he'd met--and, if not, why not, according to her.  She promptly reposted this to Reddit, seemingly unaware of the fact that it makes her out to be as much a frigid bitch and a liar as it does him a wussy little passive-aggressive weenie.

...Now that I've got the point-and-laugh out of my system, let's move on to a different lesson to be learned from all this.

The thing is, there's a problem when you only feel good to go a few times a month, and none of them in the same week.  It's not just a problem for him, or for the marriage, but it's also a problem for you.  When we're young and healthy like the wife in the story, we should have at least a passing interest a few times a week.  (In fact, that's something guys complain about, that the frequency of sex seems to go down after you get married.*)

Should.  But so many of us don't.  There are always so many reasons why "now is not good"--some genuine, some only existing in our heads.  And it's those reasons that are only in our heads that cause most of the problems.  As with any self-delusion, the only way to get over it is to act like you're already over it, which means that sometimes, maybe a lot, we should just do it.

If the mere fact that your husband comes to you and you only for the thing he needs--in fact, the one thing he can't hire someone to do for him and shouldn't--isn't enough to get your feet in the air, then let's go over some other really good reasons that you might not have known about.  I'm not going to appeal--much--to your nobler sentiments; I'm just going to appeal to secondary reasons that the feminists don't want you to know.  In no particular order...

7.  He'll like you better.  No, seriously.  Over and above the purely psychological effect of you doing something nice for him, the release of various bonding hormones from orgasm will literally make him want to be around you more and be nicer to you.  This isn't to say that you should be manipulative or have fantasies of turning him into your puppet, but it's something to keep in mind.  So unless you were a complete idiot and married a player (who is historically self-centered and probably broke his bonding mechanism), this is a consideration.

6.  You'll like him better, too.  Sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose.  You are as much liable to the bonding processes as he is.  Furthermore, you're more likely to find him attractive, even if he's objectively less so since you got married.  The mind tends to follow the body.

5.  You might just enjoy it.  While we're on the subject of physical "helps"--God is merciful to give us fleshly inducements to do the right thing--there is a dirty little secret to female sexuality that we only ever hear about in cases of rape: what they call "bodily betrayal".  It's where you begin to enjoy the stimulation, regardless of whether you invited it or not.  While it's a horrid and confusing thing to happen during rape, it can be used to our benefit in a marriage; you might not have started out wanting it to begin with, but you end up having a really good time.

4.  You'll want it more.  You know how they say you shouldn't go on a crash diet because it can screw up your metabolism?  That will make your body go into famine mode, and you'll find you need fewer calories to maintain your current weight, so you lose the ability to lose weight.  Well, sex is the same; if you put yourself in famine mode, your libido will downshift to match the apparent availability.  This is pretty common after childbirth, actually--and there are so many other factors that you may misattribute your lowered libido to fatigue or lack of attraction or whatever else is going on.  The only way out is through; just do it, and you'll find your appetite going back up.

3.  You'll feel better.  "You need to get laid" is not just a myth.  There are all kinds of lovely things that sex does to the body, especially in us women--attitude adjustments, self-image improvements, mood stabilizing--that you need to keep in mind he's doing you a favor as well as himself.  We women are especially prone to depression and the fanatical need to get people's approval; sex helps fix that.

2.  It'll help him stay the course.  By this I mean that getting it from you helps him not go getting it somewhere else.  This is not to say that men have no moral agency or that it is only and ever the wife's fault if her husband goes tomcatting.  However, this is a nasty, ugly world full of temptations, full of loose morals and rationalizations, and full of women who would be only too happy to prove that they're better than you by stealing your man.**

1.  Because God said so.  If being a Christian doesn't matter to you in any kind of practice, then you can skip this part, but to me, this is a huge and important deal.  Part of the purpose of marriage is to provide a legitimate release for the potent force of human sexuality (yes, among many other things, but stay focused).  As such, we are commanded--husbands and wives--to not deny each other.  Get over the notion that your body is your own; it's not.  Get over all your self-focused attitudes, in fact.  You can't be a Christian if you reserve things for yourself.  Give it all to God.

God is good and patient, and He put in place ways for us to reap subtle rewards for doing the right thing, both here and Hereafter.  He knows we're not always strong enough to do things only because He said, so He has given us these temporal mercies.

And maybe, if enough of us do what we should do, other women will follow suit, and we won't have to listen to unbelievers crowing about how God's plan is such a horrible, horrible thing.

* My husbands says that when you marry a whore, she regards it as retirement, so this is no surprise.  What did you think she was if she was willing to get down and funky with you in exchange for dinner and a movie?  But that's beside the point.

** Don't let's pretend this is anything else.  Women get it on with other women's husbands because they want to prove superiority to the cheated-on wife.  Men can pat themselves on the back and crow about how they "still got it" and are all manly and attractive and Gamey and stuff, but the truth is that they're being used as trophies.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Monday and Fried Rice

It's Monday!  And I get to do my job!  That's the best part of Monday: I get to work.

Well, you may remember the picture I posted a week ago of something in a skillet.  That was actually fried rice.  Yep, I've put together a recipe for fried rice.  It's a great way to use up leftover rice, tastes good on its own or with the usual main dishes, and it's really rather easy.  I'll share the recipe now; you can multiply it as much as you need to.  (I have to make larger batches of this because His Lordship just scarfs it down.)

Quick Fried Rice

2 tbsp. sesame oil
2 green onions, chopped
1/2 c. carrots, chopped
1/4 c. frozen green peas
2 eggs, lightly beaten
3 c. cooked rice (any grain works)
1/4 c. soy sauce

Heat the sesame oil in a large skillet or wok over medium heat, then add the onions, carrots, and peas.  Saute the vegetables until tender, then shunt them to one side and scramble the beaten eggs in the sesame oil.  Once the eggs are cooked, mix it all together, add the rice, and pour soy sauce over it all.  Cook until heated through and thoroughly mixed, with a little crisping on the bottom.

The texture changes with what kinds of grains you use or even if you mix them, so experiment until it's how you like it!

Anyway, let's--

No offense to the Almighty.

All righty!

How I served His Lordship today:

Made coffee
Fenris Walkies and took mail to mailbox
Squish care (all day)
Greenhouse maintenance part one:  Opened it up, watered, vinedressing
Made breakfast and washed dishes
Cleared kitchen countertops and cleaned them thoroughly
Baked bread
Made bed
Worked on some research for His Lordship*
Made lunch and washed dishes
Cleaned microwave
Cleaned stovetop
Cleaned sinks
Disassembled toaster oven's interior and cleaned it thoroughly
Swept floors
Did reading while feeding Squish
Packed away outgrown baby clothes for storage
Folded a bunch of laundry
Spray-painted piggy bank
Sorted underwear drawer (no, I'm not describing the contents)
Made supper:  Pineapple chicken, long-grain rice, and salad
Washed dishes

Laundry:  Burp cloths and baby bibs, kitchen towels, random bits of clothing 

And now I retire to knit, enjoy a movie with my husband, and relax for the evening.

* ((Actually, it's not so much research as clerical.  LoA needs some extra clerical help for his business right now.  I consider that to be part of a wife's job, since he's self-employed.))

Friday, July 18, 2014

Friday: End of the Line!

Today is going to be a short day, because this afternoon we're going to a barbecue.  It's a Bring Your Own Meat affair, so I'm providing baby-back ribs and homemade BBQ sauce for us.

The thing about inventing your own recipes is that you have to be bold and daring!  You have to step out of your comfort zone and take risks.  Different ingredients sound like they might not go well together--sour cream and ketchup for stroganoff?--and they may smell like the devil's outhouse while they're cooking, but then they come out tasting like the dessert course at the Wedding Feast.

Seriously, Ratatouille had that right.  Cooking is no job for cowards!  Like anything else in life, you'll never know if you don't grow.  That's a huge part of why (some) men* do so much of the innovating compared to (most) women: They overcome their risk aversion.

It's something I still struggle with, occasionally.  I find something I want to do, and then I catch myself hesitating on the brink of trying it.  I have to remind myself that I'll never be able to do it if I don't, well, do it.

Speaking of growing, the Squish is now mobile. She doesn't get far, and she still executes the most spectacular faceplants sometimes, but she has crawling figured out.

How I served His Lordship today:

Made coffee
Fenris Walkies
Greenhouse maintenance part one:  Opened it up, watered and weeded, gathered lettuce
Squish care (all day)
Made breakfast
Made barbecue sauce
Washed up all those dishes
Bathed Squish
Got out Fenris shampoo and tick repellant
Chased Fenris
Wrestled Fenris
Bathed Fenris and applied tick repellant
Tried in vain to prevent Fenris from jumping in mud puddle
Stupid dog
Beauty treatments** and shower
Made lunch
Pre-cooked ribs

Laundry:  Dark-colored clothes

And now it's off to the party.  Have a great Friday!

* Let's not mess with the apex fallacy today.  More men may innovate than women do, and most innovations may be male in origin, but most men do not innovate, either.  I'll deal with that subject some other day when I'm not so busy.  It has room for expansion, anyway.

** I did a lot of painful things to myself, but I feel like I look better.  I also painted my toenails red.  Why do men like red toenails so much?

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Thursday: Return of the Sun

All the ugly gray weather has cleared up, and while it's humid and muggy from all the evaporating water, it's still nice to have the sun back.

But then again, isn't a day basically what you make of it?  I mean, granted, you can't control everything, and sometimes there's just going to be awful things that overshadow everything else, but the last few days haven't been like that.

Yesterday, I didn't post my list of things I did.  His Lordship wanted my help with some things, so I didn't have a lot to report.  I'm not complaining; it's good to be needed.

It just sets my schedule back, that's all.  I have some feedback to send back to Castalia House that I have to put together, among my usual things.

Anyway, FORWARD!

Not that kind of forward...

How I served His Lordship today:

Got up and made coffee
Greenhouse maintenance part one: opened it up, watered and weeded, vinedressing
Fenris Walkies
Squish care (all day)
Made breakfast and washed dishes
Baked bread
Made bed
Swept hard floors
Mopped hard floors
Vacuumed carpets
Made lunch and washed dishes
Cleaned master-bedroom carpet
Worked on promised feedback
Read while feeding Squish
Sorted my sock drawer (no, really!  It needed it)
Started supper:  lemon-mustard baked chicken, mashed potatoes, succotash (with red bell peppers)
Greenhouse maintenance part two:  watered, checked vining plants, closed it up
Ate supper and washed dishes

Laundry:  Light-colored clothing, baby clothes, another round of baby blankets

And other than some knitting and whatever entertainment His Lordship wants to do, that's it for tonight!

The Story of a Story: A (Sort of) Comic

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Rainy Tuesday Work

((We lost the Internet due to a storm last night.  That's why this is late.))

Today I got a late start.  While I usually get up around 4:30 in the morning, today I slept in to almost 7!  It's raining today, and I also got woken up in the middle of the night a couple of times, so I figure that's what's got me sluggish.  Fortunately, His Lordship was also worn out, so I was still on top of breakfast when he got up.

That's no excuse for not working, though.  Look out, dirt, HERE I COME!!!

For the science geeks.

How I served His Lordship today:

Got up late and made coffee
Made breakfast and washed dishes
Squish care (all day)
Cleaned master bathroom: Shower stall, tub, toilet, sink, mirror
Cleaned "baby" bathroom:  Tub, toilet, sink, mirror
Made lunch and washed dishes
Greenhouse maintenance (only once today, due to rain): water and weed, vinedressing
Fertilized plants in greenhouse
Washed up because you just get grubby while doing plant work
Did some reading while feeding Squish
Made supper:  Spaghetti with angel-hair pasta, salad, garlic toast
Washed dishes
Knitted for a while (yes, still that same stupid blanket)

Laundry:  Linens from changing table, bath towels

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

On Solipsism (LOL) and Effeminacy

You know, I acknowledge the existence of a thing called "female solipsism".  I acknowledge that it's a problem.  I acknowledge that it's a tendency that a mature woman can grow out of, or at least control, but that we're not encouraged to do either, and so it presents an even graver problem on a nationwide scale under the circumstances.


I have a problem with it, not for its own sake, but because like any other concept, it's getting abused.

It's come to the point where a good-sized chunk of the Manosphere, where the concept found its current name, has started labeling any input from a woman as "solipsism LOL".
  • If a woman recounts an anecdote, no matter how related to the topic at hand:  "solipsism LOL".
  • If, during a discussion of a problem that injures men, a woman points out that it is bad for everyone because it also afflicts women--even if she is seconding and amplifying that same point a man has made already:  "solipsism LOL".
  • If a woman points out that certain men are being solipsistic, such as when they assume their own failed marriages are the norm to the point of being almost universal:  "solipsism LOL".
  • If a woman uses the first-person singular pronoun at any time during her comments:  "solipsism LOL".
Let's have a look at a pretty comprehensive definition of "female solipsism", from Alpha Game:*
[W]e are not talking about metaphysical, methodological, or epistemological solipsism, but rather an observed predilection for egoistic self-absorption which occurs to such an extent that the woman's behavior makes it appear as if she subscribes to some form of philosophical solipsism... behave in a self-centered manner which makes it appear they believe that their interests are the only ones that exist, their opinions are the only ones that can possibly be correct, and their observations are definitive of reality. This self-absorption also causes them to assume that the actions and comments of others are always directly related to them, a concept which is encapsulated in the popular feminist phrase "the personal is political", and often inspires them to assign the worst possible interpretation to the statements of others.

Read it carefully.  The definition here, which can be considered authoritative, specifically hinges on behaving as if functioning in a total void of other personalities and perspectives.  It's the behavior of a little kid who just doesn't understand why you don't know what he's looking at; he doesn't understand that you have eyeballs of your own and can't see through his.

The examples I mentioned above?  None of those fit the description.

The problem with the term "female solipsism", when it's misused like this, is that it loses its meaning and becomes just a catch phrase, an inside joke, or a shaming-and-silencing tactic.  Like the word "racist", or "rape", it has no power for good and just becomes a way for the in-group to label a thought "badthink", or a thinker "not one of us"--and the user of the term "one of the in-group, honest!"

I'm not saying you can't do that.  What I am saying is that it's stupid.  I'm saying it's intellectually dishonest, and it's Leftist and rabbity, and it's oddly solipsistic itself.

Uh-oh.  How did I get there?  Very simple:

By labeling an expression from a woman as "solipsism LOL", but not labeling a functionally identical expression from a man as "solipsism" as well, you are implying that, and I quote:
their interests are the only ones that exist, their opinions are the only ones that can possibly be correct, and their observations are definitive of reality.
Which is solipsism, the very thing the woman is accused of!  I'm not sure why so many guys are taking it as a badge of honor and membership of the Brotherhood that they act like the women they claim to hold in contempt or whatever the "it's not misogyny if I split enough hairs" term is today, but it can't be a good trend.  Next thing you know, guys will be wearing nail polish and earrings, acting catty, and spending more time worrying about what the opposite sex thinks of them than what God thinks of them.

Isn't effeminate behavior what got us into this mess to begin with?

* Special thanks go out to His Lordship for collecting the quotes for me.  I didn't want to disobey him by going there myself (he's forbidden me to return because they were treating me disrespectfully), so he was very kind to take the time out to help me.